Last night I taught the first of a series of creative writing workshops at the C.H. Booth library in Newtown CT. It's the second year I've taught these workshops and despite the travel to get there and back (it's an hour each way) I really love doing them. I teach two groups - one rising 6-7 graders and the other rising 8-9 graders, each for an hour and a half.
In our session last night, we talked about how writers get ideas and did some brainstorming exercises.
As a writer, I find teaching these workshops incredibly energizing. After all, these are my people, the kids I write for - okay, maybe some are little younger, but I do plan to write a middle grade again some day. I learn so much from them by listening.
Last night, what I heard broke my heart. In my younger group, the 6-7 graders, I asked the kids for some books that they'd really loved. And from one of the most promising writers in the group, I heard this: "I read this really long book and it was a waste because it wasn't in Accelerated Reader."
I died a little inside. Actually a lot. And then I said to her, "It's NEVER a waste to read a book you enjoy."
The girl next to her said that she'd started reading the Harry Potter series and loved it but then she "got stuck in Accelerated Reader."
This generated a whole discussion amongst the kids about AR. One girl complained that she likes to read high school books but because she is at 8th grade level on AR she is only allowed to read those books. Out of ten kids in the class, there was one kid who was happy with AR, and that was because she'd won a pizza party with two friends because she'd got to 500 AR points and it was a big source of pride and accomplishment.
But this is a kid who is involved with Odyssey of the Mind, multiple after school activities - a clearly bright and motivated child. Is anyone telling me that AR got her to read and that she wouldn't have been reading anyway? That she couldn't have been motivated without "points"?
During the break between my class I spoke to the librarian who runs my CW workshop about how heartbroken I was to hear this. She said that the school librarian at the elementary school was a big proponent of AR, because it had shown marked benefits with the reluctant and average readers.
I'm not convinced training kids like puppies with "treats" is the way to turn them into lifelong readers. I had the privilege of hearing our National Ambassador for Young People's Literature, Walter Dean Myers speak in May at the Hudson Children's Book Festival, and he convinced me more than ever that it's adults modeling enthusiasm for books and reading and getting books into the home EARLY through programs like Reading is Fundamental and First Book that really makes a difference. That and investing in early childhood education.
Instead we are cutting library funding and school librarians, cutting funding to literacy programs, and school systems are spending money on programs like AR, because it seems like an easy, one size fits all fix, instead of letting teachers work their magic. And in doing so, we end up with kids thinking that reading a really long book they enjoyed is a "waste." That makes my blood boil. It makes me wonder who the hell is making decisions about education in this country and if they're doing for benefit of kids or for financial benefit.
For more on Accelerated Reader from those in the trenches here's some further reading:
http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/book_whisperer/2010/09/reading_rewarded_part_ii.html
http://thereadingzone.wordpress.com/2009/03/15/accelerated-reader-frustrations/
http://thereadingzone.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/what-kids-are-reading-2012-why-it-doesnt-matter/
Friday, June 29, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
What kids want to know from a real live author
I'm going back to the wonderful and incredibly picturesque CH Booth library in Newtown, CT to teach writing workshops for young people this summer. It's a five week creative writing course, starting this Thursday.
Before the course begins, librarian extraordinaire, Margaret Brown, who organizes a series of writing workshops for kids throughout the year, including mystery and poetry,
sent out a letter from me to all the course participants, in which I shared three of the books that I'd read recently that I was really excited about (SEE YOU AT HARRY'S by Jo Knowles, ONE FOR THE MURPHYS by Lynda Mullaly Hunt and CODE NAME VERITY by ELIZABETH WEIN)and asked them to send me three questions that they wanted me to be sure to answer by the end of the course. Bear in mind that the kids range from 11-14.
The questions are so awesome I just have to share:
When do you end a paragraph?
I would like to learn more about punctuation.
A personal question, when did you start to write books?
How do you connect your ideas?
How do you make the suspense last?*
How do you come up with the characters?
What is being an author like?
How do they get their ideas for writing?
How do they publish their books?
How do you get your first book published without knowing who to go to?
Did anyone reccomend a publisher or did you ask some one about it?
Has any of your books ever been rejected? If so, how did you feel?
When did you start writing?
Did you have trouble getting published?
Do you ever get "writers block"? If so, how do you get through it?
What's your bestt advice for kids my age who are hoping to become a writer in their future?
UPDATES: MORE QUESTIONS!
How do you get a book published?
How does your book become a nutmeg? (CT State Award)
How do you get to be an author?
What kinds of writing are we working on this summer?
How are we developing our ideas?
Are you working on any books/projects as of now?
And this, my absolute favorite:
If you were seen in public, do you get surrounded by fans, asking for your autograph?
Answer: Yes, in my dreams...but then I wake up!
I'll add more as they come in.
Authors, please feel free to chime in with your advice to these enthusiastic creative minds. I told them that if I didn't know the answers, I would definitely know someone who did!
* Funnily enough, I try to read a book on craft before I start each big revision, one related to what I think I need to focus on in that revision. For the MS I am currently tearing apart like an 80's suit with shoulder pads, it was this book:
So hopefully I'll have some good tips that I'm actually trying to use myself!
Before the course begins, librarian extraordinaire, Margaret Brown, who organizes a series of writing workshops for kids throughout the year, including mystery and poetry,
sent out a letter from me to all the course participants, in which I shared three of the books that I'd read recently that I was really excited about (SEE YOU AT HARRY'S by Jo Knowles, ONE FOR THE MURPHYS by Lynda Mullaly Hunt and CODE NAME VERITY by ELIZABETH WEIN)and asked them to send me three questions that they wanted me to be sure to answer by the end of the course. Bear in mind that the kids range from 11-14.
The questions are so awesome I just have to share:
When do you end a paragraph?
I would like to learn more about punctuation.
A personal question, when did you start to write books?
How do you connect your ideas?
How do you make the suspense last?*
How do you come up with the characters?
What is being an author like?
How do they get their ideas for writing?
How do they publish their books?
How do you get your first book published without knowing who to go to?
Did anyone reccomend a publisher or did you ask some one about it?
Has any of your books ever been rejected? If so, how did you feel?
When did you start writing?
Did you have trouble getting published?
Do you ever get "writers block"? If so, how do you get through it?
What's your bestt advice for kids my age who are hoping to become a writer in their future?
UPDATES: MORE QUESTIONS!
How do you get a book published?
How does your book become a nutmeg? (CT State Award)
How do you get to be an author?
What kinds of writing are we working on this summer?
How are we developing our ideas?
Are you working on any books/projects as of now?
And this, my absolute favorite:
If you were seen in public, do you get surrounded by fans, asking for your autograph?
Answer: Yes, in my dreams...but then I wake up!
I'll add more as they come in.
Authors, please feel free to chime in with your advice to these enthusiastic creative minds. I told them that if I didn't know the answers, I would definitely know someone who did!
* Funnily enough, I try to read a book on craft before I start each big revision, one related to what I think I need to focus on in that revision. For the MS I am currently tearing apart like an 80's suit with shoulder pads, it was this book:
So hopefully I'll have some good tips that I'm actually trying to use myself!
Friday, June 8, 2012
How we brought THE INVISIBLE WAR to the Avon Theatre
Sometimes a news item reaches out from the radio and grabs you by throat, and you know you have to write about it. That's what happened when I was driving down Putnam Avenue one day and heard a report that a female serving in the military in Iraq and Afghanistan was more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire. The Department of Defense estimates there were 22,800 violent sex crimes in the military in 2011. A staggering 20% of all active-duty female soldiers are sexually assaulted. Of these , women between the ages of 18-21 accounted for more than half of the victims.
I became so angry as I listened that my hands shook as they gripped the steering wheel. When I get angry about something, my first thought is, "I have to DO something about this." My second thought is "I have to WRITE about this."
I spent the weekend following researching material for a young adult novel about how a deployed mom’s experience with military sexual trauma impacts the entire family. In the course of my research, I learned about the documentary THE INVISIBLE WAR, which had just won the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival. Created by Oscar®- and Emmy®-nominated filmmaker Kirby Dick (THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED, TWIST OF FAITH) and Emmy®-nominated producer and director Amy Ziering (OUTRAGE, THE MEMORY THIEF), the film paints a startling picture of the extent of the problem of sexual assault in the military—the number of assaults in the last decade alone is believed to be in the hundreds of thousands.
Focusing on the powerfully emotional stories of multiple rape victims, THE INVISIBLE WAR is a moving indictment of the systemic cover-up of military sex crimes, chronicling the women’s struggles to rebuild their lives and fight for justice. It also features hard-hitting interviews with high-ranking military officials and members of Congress that reveal the perfect storm of conditions that exist for rape in the military, its long-hidden history, and what can be done to bring about much-needed change.
I immediately contacted film’s producers to inquire about arranging a local screening and they put me in touch with Ivonne Zucco, Executive Director of The Center for Sexual Assault Crisis Counseling and Education in Stamford, CT, who was also interested in bringing the film to the area. “As part of our work at The Center, we need to bring awareness about sexual assault at so many different levels. When I heard about the film, I knew that screening it was one more way of increasing knowledge about an issue that should concern us all. Change needs to occur in all areas of society and this film is an originator of great awareness.” Together, Ivonne and I worked with Adam Birnbaum of Stamford’s Avon Theater to bring THE INVISIBLE WAR to the Avon on Monday June 11th at 7:30pm. The event is free to the public with a panel discussion following the screening.
One thing I want to make clear is that The Invisible War isn't anti-military. Many of the women in the film come from families with long histories of military service. Director Kircy Dick says the rape survivors featured in the film agreed to participate on condition that it not be an anti-military film. “All of our subjects were very idealistic and proud to have served,” Dick says. “Regardless of one’s opinion of the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, we all can agree that people risking their lives should be protected from assault by their own soldiers.”
But as with all instances of sexual abuse and assault, admitting there is a problem and discussing it openly, learning to fight a culture of silence, coverup and denial is the first step to effecting change. As part of my research I attended the first annual Truth and Justice Summit in DC, organized by the Service Women's Action Network. Brigadier General (Ret.) Thomas Cuthbert, who has acted as senior advisor to both the Defense Task Force on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies and the Defense Task Force on Sexual Assault in the Military Services, stood in front of a ballroom full of women and men, (sexual assault in the military isn't just a women's issue) and told them that the system was working - when it patently hadn't - and it was a matter of "teaching kids to say no to a senior officer." I was absolutely floored by his tone deafness and surprised, frankly, that he was able to get out of the room alive after saying that to a room full of traumatized people trained in the art of warfare. I wanted to teach him a thing or two about sexual trauma, and I'm only a civilian. If Cuthbert is the kind of military expert advising the Pentagon, it's no wonder the culture and the system is stacked against women receiving justice.
I hope you'll join us on Monday evening at the Avon for the screening. Supporting the troops means every soldier who is proud to serve.
For more on The Invisible War see this eflier.
I became so angry as I listened that my hands shook as they gripped the steering wheel. When I get angry about something, my first thought is, "I have to DO something about this." My second thought is "I have to WRITE about this."
I spent the weekend following researching material for a young adult novel about how a deployed mom’s experience with military sexual trauma impacts the entire family. In the course of my research, I learned about the documentary THE INVISIBLE WAR, which had just won the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival. Created by Oscar®- and Emmy®-nominated filmmaker Kirby Dick (THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED, TWIST OF FAITH) and Emmy®-nominated producer and director Amy Ziering (OUTRAGE, THE MEMORY THIEF), the film paints a startling picture of the extent of the problem of sexual assault in the military—the number of assaults in the last decade alone is believed to be in the hundreds of thousands.
Focusing on the powerfully emotional stories of multiple rape victims, THE INVISIBLE WAR is a moving indictment of the systemic cover-up of military sex crimes, chronicling the women’s struggles to rebuild their lives and fight for justice. It also features hard-hitting interviews with high-ranking military officials and members of Congress that reveal the perfect storm of conditions that exist for rape in the military, its long-hidden history, and what can be done to bring about much-needed change.
I immediately contacted film’s producers to inquire about arranging a local screening and they put me in touch with Ivonne Zucco, Executive Director of The Center for Sexual Assault Crisis Counseling and Education in Stamford, CT, who was also interested in bringing the film to the area. “As part of our work at The Center, we need to bring awareness about sexual assault at so many different levels. When I heard about the film, I knew that screening it was one more way of increasing knowledge about an issue that should concern us all. Change needs to occur in all areas of society and this film is an originator of great awareness.” Together, Ivonne and I worked with Adam Birnbaum of Stamford’s Avon Theater to bring THE INVISIBLE WAR to the Avon on Monday June 11th at 7:30pm. The event is free to the public with a panel discussion following the screening.
One thing I want to make clear is that The Invisible War isn't anti-military. Many of the women in the film come from families with long histories of military service. Director Kircy Dick says the rape survivors featured in the film agreed to participate on condition that it not be an anti-military film. “All of our subjects were very idealistic and proud to have served,” Dick says. “Regardless of one’s opinion of the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, we all can agree that people risking their lives should be protected from assault by their own soldiers.”
But as with all instances of sexual abuse and assault, admitting there is a problem and discussing it openly, learning to fight a culture of silence, coverup and denial is the first step to effecting change. As part of my research I attended the first annual Truth and Justice Summit in DC, organized by the Service Women's Action Network. Brigadier General (Ret.) Thomas Cuthbert, who has acted as senior advisor to both the Defense Task Force on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies and the Defense Task Force on Sexual Assault in the Military Services, stood in front of a ballroom full of women and men, (sexual assault in the military isn't just a women's issue) and told them that the system was working - when it patently hadn't - and it was a matter of "teaching kids to say no to a senior officer." I was absolutely floored by his tone deafness and surprised, frankly, that he was able to get out of the room alive after saying that to a room full of traumatized people trained in the art of warfare. I wanted to teach him a thing or two about sexual trauma, and I'm only a civilian. If Cuthbert is the kind of military expert advising the Pentagon, it's no wonder the culture and the system is stacked against women receiving justice.
I hope you'll join us on Monday evening at the Avon for the screening. Supporting the troops means every soldier who is proud to serve.
For more on The Invisible War see this eflier.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Things I wish I'd written
I heard an interview with Jeanette Winterson on NPR the other day, and knew I had to get her book, "Why be Happy When You Could Be Normal?"
I'm only on page 25, but I've already highlighted passages and tonight in the bath there was one that had me saying, "Yes. THIS."
Here it is:
Hells to the yes. It took me 40 years to realize that, but better late than never.
I'm only on page 25, but I've already highlighted passages and tonight in the bath there was one that had me saying, "Yes. THIS."
Here it is:
What you are pursuing is meaning - a meaningful life. There's the hap - the fate, the draw that is yours, and it isn't fixed, but changing the course of the stream , or dealing new cards, whatever metaphor you want to use - that's going to take a lot of energy. There are times when it will go so wrong that you will barely be alive, and times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a bloated half-life on someone else's terms.
Hells to the yes. It took me 40 years to realize that, but better late than never.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Rich Handsome Stalker dreamboats - Oh My!
A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, bought me Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James, for my birthday. Luckily I could read it on my lovely new iPad, so my daughter didn't see me reading it. This is not one I would ever recommend to a young woman- or any woman, for that matter.
Let's take the writing first. I know this was first written as fan fiction and then published by a small press. Did an editor ever see these pages. Ever? Or even a critique group? Was everyone so distracted by the sex scenes that they didn't notice the constant lip-biting, how "Oh My" became Possibly the Most Annoying Signal for Female Arousal Ever, and the dear Lord if I hear about this one more time I'm gonna throttle the beyotch "Inner Goddess" who alternated between gymnastics and dance moves whenever it looked like sex was a possibility. And this is was often, let me tell you. They don't call this book "Mommy P*rn" for nothing. My "Inner Goddess" is bordering on Traumatic Brain Injury from banging my head against the wall in frustration from the overuse of banal words and phrases. Has this woman never heard of a thesaurus?
Do I sound like I'm ranting? Well, hold on to your hats, people, because Auntie Sarah has only just got started. Now I'm getting to what I really HATE about this book.
It doesn't surprise me at all that this started as Twilight fan fiction. I was always happy that my daughter was bored with Twilight after reading the first chapter and never read any of the other books, because I forced myself to read the whole series and the fourth book had me absolutely enraged. The whole series bothered me because Bella was such a weak and undeveloped character who was defined by the boys and how young girls were falling in love with the idea of this "love" between her and Edward, which had all the characteristics of an abusive relationship. Like hello young teens - when a guy breaks into your bedroom to watch you sleep? THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC!!! That is EFFING CREEPY! CALL THE POLICE AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! And book 4 - where she ends up bruised and brutalized after sex but it's okay because they waited and did it in the sanctity of marriage...OMFG. That is SO NOT a healthy message for teenage girls to be reading and idealizing as a love relationship.
So along comes this Fifty Shades of Grey (oh, yeah, she actually calls him "Fifty Shades" as a nick name) which takes Edward and puts him on steroids. He's handsomer ('cause he's not so pale). He's younger by at least a century. He's richer and self-made to boot. He's even more tortured and broody with a dark sekrit past. And boy, is he even more effed up and creepier. He REALLY DOES STALK Ana. Right after they meet he has a PI investigate her so he can just show up at her place of work. He buys the company she gets a job at because she won't work for him. When she flies across the country to visit her mother because she needs some time and space to think, guess what? He just happens to show up in the bar where she's having drinks with Mom - and he's got a hotel room in that hotel. Does Ana think this weird? Well, a little but...it means he LOVES HER SO MUCH.
NO! NO! NO! IT DOESN'T!!!!!
This is what I hate about the whole Twilight phenomenon and now this Mommy S & M crap that it has spawned. Right now, women's rights are under attack from all sides and we have a generation of teen girls who are reading this stuff and thinking that a man being abusively controlling is ROMANTIC. That it's a sign of the ULTIMATE LOVE.
Maybe it's because I've been in enough dysfunctional relationships that I know both the compelling seductiveness and the dark, dehumanizing destructiveness that comes when the initial glow has worn off. I know how hard it is to rebuild your sense of self when you've had it destroyed and I hate that any woman or any girl should think that this is romance. That cutting you off from your friends is romance. That the guy having female friends but that not allowing the woman to have male friends because he's jealous is a sign of love. It's not. It's a sign of being controlling and abusive.
Well, that's my rant over for now. I'm off to write some more empowering books books for teens.
Let's take the writing first. I know this was first written as fan fiction and then published by a small press. Did an editor ever see these pages. Ever? Or even a critique group? Was everyone so distracted by the sex scenes that they didn't notice the constant lip-biting, how "Oh My" became Possibly the Most Annoying Signal for Female Arousal Ever, and the dear Lord if I hear about this one more time I'm gonna throttle the beyotch "Inner Goddess" who alternated between gymnastics and dance moves whenever it looked like sex was a possibility. And this is was often, let me tell you. They don't call this book "Mommy P*rn" for nothing. My "Inner Goddess" is bordering on Traumatic Brain Injury from banging my head against the wall in frustration from the overuse of banal words and phrases. Has this woman never heard of a thesaurus?
Do I sound like I'm ranting? Well, hold on to your hats, people, because Auntie Sarah has only just got started. Now I'm getting to what I really HATE about this book.
It doesn't surprise me at all that this started as Twilight fan fiction. I was always happy that my daughter was bored with Twilight after reading the first chapter and never read any of the other books, because I forced myself to read the whole series and the fourth book had me absolutely enraged. The whole series bothered me because Bella was such a weak and undeveloped character who was defined by the boys and how young girls were falling in love with the idea of this "love" between her and Edward, which had all the characteristics of an abusive relationship. Like hello young teens - when a guy breaks into your bedroom to watch you sleep? THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC!!! That is EFFING CREEPY! CALL THE POLICE AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! And book 4 - where she ends up bruised and brutalized after sex but it's okay because they waited and did it in the sanctity of marriage...OMFG. That is SO NOT a healthy message for teenage girls to be reading and idealizing as a love relationship.
So along comes this Fifty Shades of Grey (oh, yeah, she actually calls him "Fifty Shades" as a nick name) which takes Edward and puts him on steroids. He's handsomer ('cause he's not so pale). He's younger by at least a century. He's richer and self-made to boot. He's even more tortured and broody with a dark sekrit past. And boy, is he even more effed up and creepier. He REALLY DOES STALK Ana. Right after they meet he has a PI investigate her so he can just show up at her place of work. He buys the company she gets a job at because she won't work for him. When she flies across the country to visit her mother because she needs some time and space to think, guess what? He just happens to show up in the bar where she's having drinks with Mom - and he's got a hotel room in that hotel. Does Ana think this weird? Well, a little but...it means he LOVES HER SO MUCH.
NO! NO! NO! IT DOESN'T!!!!!
This is what I hate about the whole Twilight phenomenon and now this Mommy S & M crap that it has spawned. Right now, women's rights are under attack from all sides and we have a generation of teen girls who are reading this stuff and thinking that a man being abusively controlling is ROMANTIC. That it's a sign of the ULTIMATE LOVE.
Maybe it's because I've been in enough dysfunctional relationships that I know both the compelling seductiveness and the dark, dehumanizing destructiveness that comes when the initial glow has worn off. I know how hard it is to rebuild your sense of self when you've had it destroyed and I hate that any woman or any girl should think that this is romance. That cutting you off from your friends is romance. That the guy having female friends but that not allowing the woman to have male friends because he's jealous is a sign of love. It's not. It's a sign of being controlling and abusive.
Well, that's my rant over for now. I'm off to write some more empowering books books for teens.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Travels with Steinbeck
As anyone who follows me on Goodreads might have ascertained by now, I've got a bad case of reading ADD at the moment. My "currently reading" list has 5 or 6 books on it, and that doesn't include the books I have lying around that I pick up and peruse because I'm waiting to add them to the currently reading list. One of those is Travels with Charley in Search of America by John Steinbeck.
I'm having a major mid-life love affair with Steinbeck at the moment, something I talk about today in a guest post at the Nerdy Book Club. This morning, I picked up Travels with Charley and on the first page found some words of wisdom that inspired me as I'm beginning the first draft of a new W-I-P.
YES! I thought. YES! YES! YES! Not just about the physical journeys. Not just about marriage (but a zillion times yes to that, too.)
But also, I thought, substitute a novel for a trip and that's how I feel every time I start writing a new book.
One of the aspects of craft I've been working very hard to learn more about is plot and structure, because I've always tended to be more of a pantser. In fact, another thing I'm doing today is starting an online plot workshop with the awesome (and hilarious)Rhonda Helms. The software program Scrivener is a practical tool that's helped me develop my plotting skills.
But ultimately, no matter how much I try to plot in advance, I still have to write my way into the book. That's why I've become such an ardent believer in the "write it as fast as possible shitty first draft." Because as much as I might try to control the thing in advance, I have set myself free to experience the journey before it finds me and reveals its personality.
Thanks again, John.
I'm having a major mid-life love affair with Steinbeck at the moment, something I talk about today in a guest post at the Nerdy Book Club. This morning, I picked up Travels with Charley and on the first page found some words of wisdom that inspired me as I'm beginning the first draft of a new W-I-P.
A trip, a safari, an exploration, is an entity, different from all other journeys. It has personality, temperament, individuality,uniqueness. A journey is a person itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing , and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass-bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckage on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blown-in-the glass-bum relax and go along with it. Only then do the frustrations fall away. In this, a journey is like a marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.
YES! I thought. YES! YES! YES! Not just about the physical journeys. Not just about marriage (but a zillion times yes to that, too.)
But also, I thought, substitute a novel for a trip and that's how I feel every time I start writing a new book.
One of the aspects of craft I've been working very hard to learn more about is plot and structure, because I've always tended to be more of a pantser. In fact, another thing I'm doing today is starting an online plot workshop with the awesome (and hilarious)Rhonda Helms. The software program Scrivener is a practical tool that's helped me develop my plotting skills.
But ultimately, no matter how much I try to plot in advance, I still have to write my way into the book. That's why I've become such an ardent believer in the "write it as fast as possible shitty first draft." Because as much as I might try to control the thing in advance, I have set myself free to experience the journey before it finds me and reveals its personality.
Thanks again, John.
Friday, February 3, 2012
A letter to my "Wonderful Child"
Last weekend I attended the wonderful retreat for published writers and illustrators,Kindling Words. I credit KW with saving my writing life back in 2006, when I was going through a case of the second book blues so severe that I wondered if I should give up this dream of being a writer after all and go get a "real" job, just like I'd done in my 20's and 30's because everyone said I should.
Kindling Words is a place where I go to rejuvenate, to be inspired, to learn craft, to commune with fellow creative souls. It's the perfect kick off for my writing year. This year I finished the revisions for my latest YA novel to send to my agent, while in the back of my brain the idea for a middle grade was percolating.
On the first night of KW, we always have an activity to get our creative juices flowing. Two years ago, it was a fantastic and fun African drum circle.
This year, we had an acting professor from Circle in the Square lead us in some exercises to get us in touch with ourselves and each other. I was a drama geek in high school, so I usually love this kind of stuff, but the minute he mentions "child exercise" I tensed.
The exercise was to find our "wonderful child." And I tried to do that, and I couldn't. And I ended up lying on the floor in the ballroom of a Vermont Inn sobbing. I told the professor that I don't have a Wonderful Child - but that I've worked very hard to be a Wonderful Grownup, and I like who I am now.
I have to apologize to Mary Lee Donovan, of Candlewick Press (Sorry Mary Lee!) because she had to do the next exercise with me, where we had to look into each other's eyes without speaking for many minutes, because the eyes are the windows of the soul. My eyes were all red and watery and I can't imagine looking into my soul at that point was a whole lot of fun.
The community at KW is so amazing. I had so many people come up to me afterward and tell me that I DO have a Wonderful Child. It made me want to cry all over again, but for a different reason.
The the next morning, I wrote this letter to my Wonderful Child, the one I couldn't find:
Dear Wonderful Child:
Last night I was sent on another mission to find you, and as usual, it ended in tears. I know you understand why I my already tense shoulder muscles went into spasm when I heard the words “child exercise” and acid production in my stomach went into overdrive, causing reflux my throat. You get it, because you were there. You know that when sexual abuse is perpetrated on a child so young they don’t even have the words to express what is happening to them, the post-traumatic stress effects last a lifetime, through drug use, a suicide attempt, bulimia, abusive relationships, and untold hours and too much money to want to think about worth of therapy. You might think that you’ve “dealt with it” but then all it takes is the student reaction to the story about a pedophile football coach in PA or hearing people making ignorant comments at Virtus workshop you have to attend in order to help out for your daughter’s musical theater production at the local Catholic church, or a guided exercise at a writing retreat and BAM! You’re right back in that place of horror and pain, the place where you’re a small, frightened child, scared in the darkness without a voice.
But the thing is, that’s not who you are now. Because you’re not a victim, you’re a survivor. You’ve worked hard. Even when all your bricks feel down and you had build them up again, one brick at a time, slowly and painfully, you never quit. And it’s paid off. Because now you do have a voice. That’s what finally , at age 38, allowing yourself to pursue your dream of being a writer gave you. And you use that voice in your political columns, to speak out when you see injustice, speaking for those who still might not have one. In your novels, you write for the kids like you, the ones who feel defective, like there’s something wrong with them that can never be cured, who feel like the wound that was inflicted on them, usually through no fault of their own, has left them too flawed and scared to ever find success, happiness and love.
You write because you want them to know that they’re wrong. You write because you want them to know that there’s hope. You promise to never lie to them, ever, because you know that denial is one of the most destructive weapons adults use on children. So you don’t pretend that the road will be easy, but you let them know that survival and, better yet, happiness, is possible.
You do that because in possibility lies hope. And hope will help them get through the hard times now, so they, too, can grow up to become adults they like better.
I might not be able to find my Wonderful Child in exercises like the one we did, but she's the voice within me when I write.
Kindling Words is a place where I go to rejuvenate, to be inspired, to learn craft, to commune with fellow creative souls. It's the perfect kick off for my writing year. This year I finished the revisions for my latest YA novel to send to my agent, while in the back of my brain the idea for a middle grade was percolating.
On the first night of KW, we always have an activity to get our creative juices flowing. Two years ago, it was a fantastic and fun African drum circle.
This year, we had an acting professor from Circle in the Square lead us in some exercises to get us in touch with ourselves and each other. I was a drama geek in high school, so I usually love this kind of stuff, but the minute he mentions "child exercise" I tensed.
The exercise was to find our "wonderful child." And I tried to do that, and I couldn't. And I ended up lying on the floor in the ballroom of a Vermont Inn sobbing. I told the professor that I don't have a Wonderful Child - but that I've worked very hard to be a Wonderful Grownup, and I like who I am now.
I have to apologize to Mary Lee Donovan, of Candlewick Press (Sorry Mary Lee!) because she had to do the next exercise with me, where we had to look into each other's eyes without speaking for many minutes, because the eyes are the windows of the soul. My eyes were all red and watery and I can't imagine looking into my soul at that point was a whole lot of fun.
The community at KW is so amazing. I had so many people come up to me afterward and tell me that I DO have a Wonderful Child. It made me want to cry all over again, but for a different reason.
The the next morning, I wrote this letter to my Wonderful Child, the one I couldn't find:
Dear Wonderful Child:
Last night I was sent on another mission to find you, and as usual, it ended in tears. I know you understand why I my already tense shoulder muscles went into spasm when I heard the words “child exercise” and acid production in my stomach went into overdrive, causing reflux my throat. You get it, because you were there. You know that when sexual abuse is perpetrated on a child so young they don’t even have the words to express what is happening to them, the post-traumatic stress effects last a lifetime, through drug use, a suicide attempt, bulimia, abusive relationships, and untold hours and too much money to want to think about worth of therapy. You might think that you’ve “dealt with it” but then all it takes is the student reaction to the story about a pedophile football coach in PA or hearing people making ignorant comments at Virtus workshop you have to attend in order to help out for your daughter’s musical theater production at the local Catholic church, or a guided exercise at a writing retreat and BAM! You’re right back in that place of horror and pain, the place where you’re a small, frightened child, scared in the darkness without a voice.
But the thing is, that’s not who you are now. Because you’re not a victim, you’re a survivor. You’ve worked hard. Even when all your bricks feel down and you had build them up again, one brick at a time, slowly and painfully, you never quit. And it’s paid off. Because now you do have a voice. That’s what finally , at age 38, allowing yourself to pursue your dream of being a writer gave you. And you use that voice in your political columns, to speak out when you see injustice, speaking for those who still might not have one. In your novels, you write for the kids like you, the ones who feel defective, like there’s something wrong with them that can never be cured, who feel like the wound that was inflicted on them, usually through no fault of their own, has left them too flawed and scared to ever find success, happiness and love.
You write because you want them to know that they’re wrong. You write because you want them to know that there’s hope. You promise to never lie to them, ever, because you know that denial is one of the most destructive weapons adults use on children. So you don’t pretend that the road will be easy, but you let them know that survival and, better yet, happiness, is possible.
You do that because in possibility lies hope. And hope will help them get through the hard times now, so they, too, can grow up to become adults they like better.
I might not be able to find my Wonderful Child in exercises like the one we did, but she's the voice within me when I write.
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