This was a letter I sent to The Duke Chronicle, the newspaper at my alma mater, after our winning basketball coach, Mike Krzyzewki (aka Coach K) who is lauded similarly to Paterno, defended Paterno in the New York Times last November
"As a proud Duke alum who is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I was appalled and disgusted by Coach Mike Krzyzewski’s attempt to make excuses for his fellow Coach, Penn State’s Joe Paterno, for not contacting police when informed of a horrific act by then assistant coach Jerry Sandusky. (New York Times, The Quad 11/14/11) Coach K wants us to give Paterno a pass based on his age (“one thing you have to understand is that Paterno is 84 years old) and thus the “immense changes and how social issues are handled in those generations.”
For a man who in June taped a show for ESPN with Paterno about “ethics and integrity and issues related with college athletics,” Krzyzewski’s moral ambivalence and his insistence that Paterno remains a “great man in a horrific situation,” makes clear that he needs to revisit his understanding of integrity, ethics and greatness.
When teaching writing workshops, I always start with character, because exploring human nature is what makes writing such an endlessly fascinating pursuit. Plot discussions focus on throwing stumbling blocks in the character’s way, so he or she is forced to make choices, because in the immortal words of JK Rowling’s Albus Dumbledore (drawing on Sartre) “It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
The point Coach K doesn’t understand, or perhaps chooses, willfully, to miss, is that it’s the choices one makes when faced with such a horrific situation that prove whether one is truly great, not the number of football games or basketball games won.
Joe Paterno has achieved many wonderful things in his 84 years. But like many who could have achieved true greatness, he had a tragic flaw, one that resulted in children who might have been saved being sexually abused. His legacy is rightfully tarnished. Coach K shouldn’t be in the game of making excuses for the inexcusable."
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Penn State, leadership and faith
I did a presentation at the CT Writing Project's Young Writer's Institute this morning, and met a High School student who asked me to sign two of my books. She told me she particularly loved CONFESSIONS OF A CLOSET CATHOLIC because her mother converted from Catholicism to Islam when she married, so there are times when she's sitting in church feeling like Jussy. She also told me about going to a family event at the church her mom grew up in where the priest yelled at her mother to leave and told her she no longer belonged there.
We talked about Confessions and told her that in my experience the people with deep faith, rather than dogmatic faith, are the most accepting, because they recognize we we all pray to one G-d so we should look for the commonalities we share rather than the rituals that divide us.
I've been thinking about the definition of "a good person" recently, especially how one can go through the motions of being a faithful, "good" and even lauded member of the community - a much admired leader - yet beneath the surface have a flaw that makes mockery of this.
I speak, of course, of the late Joe Paterno.
At the time of his death, Paterno was lauded, particularly by members of his church, where he was a regular.
The Dumas' one a fellow Penn State professors and the other, a senior lecturer, lauded Paterno thusly:
Yesterday, the results of an independent investigation into the sexual abuse scandal and cover up by Louis Freeh was released. I made the mistake of reading it while I was eating lunch. It was truly sickening.
Moreover, after McQueary witnessed Sandusky raping a boy in the shower in Feb 9th 2001 and reported it to Paterno on Sat Feb 10th, Paterno waited to inform Curly and Schultz until the following day because he "did not want to interfere with their weekends." Very Christian of him. (seethes)
Paterno then interfered when the plan was to report Sandusky to Dept of Welfare. An email from Curley to Schultz and Spanier says he changed his mind "after giving it more thought and talking it over with Joe (Paterno) yesterday."
As a result, Sandusky went on to abuse more children and damage more lives.
Who would make such a choice? Was that the choice of a godly, church going man? Was that the choice of a "great man"? Someone who is "an example of a coach and a teacher"?
No. It's the choice of someone with hubris.It's the choice of someone who would rather sacrifice the lives of innocent young men for the "greater good" of his legacy. If it pricked his conscience at all he could point generosity as a benefactor for good causes and all the fine young men (the ones who weren't as poor and vulnerable and thus escaped Sandusky's clutches) to graduate from the football program at Penn State, the ones who helped to earn him his all-time Division 1 football wins record.
Paterno, the Dumas', the higher leadership of Penn State, the students who rioted when Paterno was fired and the folks who raised a statue to this man, are all in denial, and denial is one of the biggest factors that allows sexual abuse to continue. The perpetrator is, of course, the most guilty party, but those around the perpetrator who choose denial are complicit in the crime.
Sandusky could have been stopped in 1998. Paterno lied to the grand jury about his knowledge of that incident. Sandusky could have certainly been stopped in 2001. But the ego of a supposedly "great" man, a man held up as an "example"caused him to make choices that resulted in the abuse of more children.
And did Paterno go to his grave feeling bad about this? Apparently not. Two days ago, a never published op ed he wrote before his death shows his continued arrogance and denial. It is all about protecting his legacy with not a word of compassion for Sandusky's victims. They don't even rate a mention.
I only started speaking publicly about my own abuse last year, and part of the reason I have continued to do so, and now have offered my services as a speaker to The Center for Sexual Abuse Crisis Counseling and Education is so that both teens and adults understand the importance of destroying the culture of complicity and denial. Denial is my sworn enemy and as Winston Churchill said, "whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
We shall fight it in the religious institutions, we shall fight it in the Universities, we shall fight it in families, we shall fight it in schools, we shall fight it in the military, we shall fight it in Congress, we shall fight it in our communities, until our children our safe.
We talked about Confessions and told her that in my experience the people with deep faith, rather than dogmatic faith, are the most accepting, because they recognize we we all pray to one G-d so we should look for the commonalities we share rather than the rituals that divide us.
I've been thinking about the definition of "a good person" recently, especially how one can go through the motions of being a faithful, "good" and even lauded member of the community - a much admired leader - yet beneath the surface have a flaw that makes mockery of this.
I speak, of course, of the late Joe Paterno.
At the time of his death, Paterno was lauded, particularly by members of his church, where he was a regular.
The Dumas' one a fellow Penn State professors and the other, a senior lecturer, lauded Paterno thusly:
"It's not only a great loss for us of a great benefactor and a great man," Mr. Dumas said, "but our country lost. He showed us an example of what it is to be a coach and a teacher."
"And human being," Mrs. Dumas added.
Mr. Dumas continued, "I'm sorry that we could not have had a better ending for this great man. When Victor Hugo died in Paris, everybody ran around the streets shouting, 'Hugo is dead! Hugo is dead! Our hero is dead!' That is the ending I would have liked to have seen for Joe Paterno, because he is our Victor Hugo."
Yesterday, the results of an independent investigation into the sexual abuse scandal and cover up by Louis Freeh was released. I made the mistake of reading it while I was eating lunch. It was truly sickening.
“Four of the most powerful people at The Pennsylvania State University — President Graham B. Spanier, Senior Vice President-Finance and Business Gary C. Schultz, Athletic Director Timothy M. Curley and Head Football Coach Joseph V. Paterno — failed to protect against a child sexual predator harming children for over a decade. These men concealed Sandusky’s activities from the Board of Trustees, the University community and authorities. They exhibited a striking lack of empathy for Sandusky’s victims.
Moreover, after McQueary witnessed Sandusky raping a boy in the shower in Feb 9th 2001 and reported it to Paterno on Sat Feb 10th, Paterno waited to inform Curly and Schultz until the following day because he "did not want to interfere with their weekends." Very Christian of him. (seethes)
Paterno then interfered when the plan was to report Sandusky to Dept of Welfare. An email from Curley to Schultz and Spanier says he changed his mind "after giving it more thought and talking it over with Joe (Paterno) yesterday."
As a result, Sandusky went on to abuse more children and damage more lives.
Who would make such a choice? Was that the choice of a godly, church going man? Was that the choice of a "great man"? Someone who is "an example of a coach and a teacher"?
No. It's the choice of someone with hubris.It's the choice of someone who would rather sacrifice the lives of innocent young men for the "greater good" of his legacy. If it pricked his conscience at all he could point generosity as a benefactor for good causes and all the fine young men (the ones who weren't as poor and vulnerable and thus escaped Sandusky's clutches) to graduate from the football program at Penn State, the ones who helped to earn him his all-time Division 1 football wins record.
Paterno, the Dumas', the higher leadership of Penn State, the students who rioted when Paterno was fired and the folks who raised a statue to this man, are all in denial, and denial is one of the biggest factors that allows sexual abuse to continue. The perpetrator is, of course, the most guilty party, but those around the perpetrator who choose denial are complicit in the crime.
Sandusky could have been stopped in 1998. Paterno lied to the grand jury about his knowledge of that incident. Sandusky could have certainly been stopped in 2001. But the ego of a supposedly "great" man, a man held up as an "example"caused him to make choices that resulted in the abuse of more children.
And did Paterno go to his grave feeling bad about this? Apparently not. Two days ago, a never published op ed he wrote before his death shows his continued arrogance and denial. It is all about protecting his legacy with not a word of compassion for Sandusky's victims. They don't even rate a mention.
I only started speaking publicly about my own abuse last year, and part of the reason I have continued to do so, and now have offered my services as a speaker to The Center for Sexual Abuse Crisis Counseling and Education is so that both teens and adults understand the importance of destroying the culture of complicity and denial. Denial is my sworn enemy and as Winston Churchill said, "whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
We shall fight it in the religious institutions, we shall fight it in the Universities, we shall fight it in families, we shall fight it in schools, we shall fight it in the military, we shall fight it in Congress, we shall fight it in our communities, until our children our safe.
Friday, June 29, 2012
What I learned from kids about Accelerated Reader
Last night I taught the first of a series of creative writing workshops at the C.H. Booth library in Newtown CT. It's the second year I've taught these workshops and despite the travel to get there and back (it's an hour each way) I really love doing them. I teach two groups - one rising 6-7 graders and the other rising 8-9 graders, each for an hour and a half.
In our session last night, we talked about how writers get ideas and did some brainstorming exercises.
As a writer, I find teaching these workshops incredibly energizing. After all, these are my people, the kids I write for - okay, maybe some are little younger, but I do plan to write a middle grade again some day. I learn so much from them by listening.
Last night, what I heard broke my heart. In my younger group, the 6-7 graders, I asked the kids for some books that they'd really loved. And from one of the most promising writers in the group, I heard this: "I read this really long book and it was a waste because it wasn't in Accelerated Reader."
I died a little inside. Actually a lot. And then I said to her, "It's NEVER a waste to read a book you enjoy."
The girl next to her said that she'd started reading the Harry Potter series and loved it but then she "got stuck in Accelerated Reader."
This generated a whole discussion amongst the kids about AR. One girl complained that she likes to read high school books but because she is at 8th grade level on AR she is only allowed to read those books. Out of ten kids in the class, there was one kid who was happy with AR, and that was because she'd won a pizza party with two friends because she'd got to 500 AR points and it was a big source of pride and accomplishment.
But this is a kid who is involved with Odyssey of the Mind, multiple after school activities - a clearly bright and motivated child. Is anyone telling me that AR got her to read and that she wouldn't have been reading anyway? That she couldn't have been motivated without "points"?
During the break between my class I spoke to the librarian who runs my CW workshop about how heartbroken I was to hear this. She said that the school librarian at the elementary school was a big proponent of AR, because it had shown marked benefits with the reluctant and average readers.
I'm not convinced training kids like puppies with "treats" is the way to turn them into lifelong readers. I had the privilege of hearing our National Ambassador for Young People's Literature, Walter Dean Myers speak in May at the Hudson Children's Book Festival, and he convinced me more than ever that it's adults modeling enthusiasm for books and reading and getting books into the home EARLY through programs like Reading is Fundamental and First Book that really makes a difference. That and investing in early childhood education.
Instead we are cutting library funding and school librarians, cutting funding to literacy programs, and school systems are spending money on programs like AR, because it seems like an easy, one size fits all fix, instead of letting teachers work their magic. And in doing so, we end up with kids thinking that reading a really long book they enjoyed is a "waste." That makes my blood boil. It makes me wonder who the hell is making decisions about education in this country and if they're doing for benefit of kids or for financial benefit.
For more on Accelerated Reader from those in the trenches here's some further reading:
http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/book_whisperer/2010/09/reading_rewarded_part_ii.html
http://thereadingzone.wordpress.com/2009/03/15/accelerated-reader-frustrations/
http://thereadingzone.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/what-kids-are-reading-2012-why-it-doesnt-matter/
In our session last night, we talked about how writers get ideas and did some brainstorming exercises.
As a writer, I find teaching these workshops incredibly energizing. After all, these are my people, the kids I write for - okay, maybe some are little younger, but I do plan to write a middle grade again some day. I learn so much from them by listening.
Last night, what I heard broke my heart. In my younger group, the 6-7 graders, I asked the kids for some books that they'd really loved. And from one of the most promising writers in the group, I heard this: "I read this really long book and it was a waste because it wasn't in Accelerated Reader."
I died a little inside. Actually a lot. And then I said to her, "It's NEVER a waste to read a book you enjoy."
The girl next to her said that she'd started reading the Harry Potter series and loved it but then she "got stuck in Accelerated Reader."
This generated a whole discussion amongst the kids about AR. One girl complained that she likes to read high school books but because she is at 8th grade level on AR she is only allowed to read those books. Out of ten kids in the class, there was one kid who was happy with AR, and that was because she'd won a pizza party with two friends because she'd got to 500 AR points and it was a big source of pride and accomplishment.
But this is a kid who is involved with Odyssey of the Mind, multiple after school activities - a clearly bright and motivated child. Is anyone telling me that AR got her to read and that she wouldn't have been reading anyway? That she couldn't have been motivated without "points"?
During the break between my class I spoke to the librarian who runs my CW workshop about how heartbroken I was to hear this. She said that the school librarian at the elementary school was a big proponent of AR, because it had shown marked benefits with the reluctant and average readers.
I'm not convinced training kids like puppies with "treats" is the way to turn them into lifelong readers. I had the privilege of hearing our National Ambassador for Young People's Literature, Walter Dean Myers speak in May at the Hudson Children's Book Festival, and he convinced me more than ever that it's adults modeling enthusiasm for books and reading and getting books into the home EARLY through programs like Reading is Fundamental and First Book that really makes a difference. That and investing in early childhood education.
Instead we are cutting library funding and school librarians, cutting funding to literacy programs, and school systems are spending money on programs like AR, because it seems like an easy, one size fits all fix, instead of letting teachers work their magic. And in doing so, we end up with kids thinking that reading a really long book they enjoyed is a "waste." That makes my blood boil. It makes me wonder who the hell is making decisions about education in this country and if they're doing for benefit of kids or for financial benefit.
For more on Accelerated Reader from those in the trenches here's some further reading:
http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/book_whisperer/2010/09/reading_rewarded_part_ii.html
http://thereadingzone.wordpress.com/2009/03/15/accelerated-reader-frustrations/
http://thereadingzone.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/what-kids-are-reading-2012-why-it-doesnt-matter/
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
What kids want to know from a real live author
I'm going back to the wonderful and incredibly picturesque CH Booth library in Newtown, CT to teach writing workshops for young people this summer. It's a five week creative writing course, starting this Thursday.
Before the course begins, librarian extraordinaire, Margaret Brown, who organizes a series of writing workshops for kids throughout the year, including mystery and poetry,
sent out a letter from me to all the course participants, in which I shared three of the books that I'd read recently that I was really excited about (SEE YOU AT HARRY'S by Jo Knowles, ONE FOR THE MURPHYS by Lynda Mullaly Hunt and CODE NAME VERITY by ELIZABETH WEIN)and asked them to send me three questions that they wanted me to be sure to answer by the end of the course. Bear in mind that the kids range from 11-14.
The questions are so awesome I just have to share:
When do you end a paragraph?
I would like to learn more about punctuation.
A personal question, when did you start to write books?
How do you connect your ideas?
How do you make the suspense last?*
How do you come up with the characters?
What is being an author like?
How do they get their ideas for writing?
How do they publish their books?
How do you get your first book published without knowing who to go to?
Did anyone reccomend a publisher or did you ask some one about it?
Has any of your books ever been rejected? If so, how did you feel?
When did you start writing?
Did you have trouble getting published?
Do you ever get "writers block"? If so, how do you get through it?
What's your bestt advice for kids my age who are hoping to become a writer in their future?
UPDATES: MORE QUESTIONS!
How do you get a book published?
How does your book become a nutmeg? (CT State Award)
How do you get to be an author?
What kinds of writing are we working on this summer?
How are we developing our ideas?
Are you working on any books/projects as of now?
And this, my absolute favorite:
If you were seen in public, do you get surrounded by fans, asking for your autograph?
Answer: Yes, in my dreams...but then I wake up!
I'll add more as they come in.
Authors, please feel free to chime in with your advice to these enthusiastic creative minds. I told them that if I didn't know the answers, I would definitely know someone who did!
* Funnily enough, I try to read a book on craft before I start each big revision, one related to what I think I need to focus on in that revision. For the MS I am currently tearing apart like an 80's suit with shoulder pads, it was this book:
So hopefully I'll have some good tips that I'm actually trying to use myself!
Before the course begins, librarian extraordinaire, Margaret Brown, who organizes a series of writing workshops for kids throughout the year, including mystery and poetry,
sent out a letter from me to all the course participants, in which I shared three of the books that I'd read recently that I was really excited about (SEE YOU AT HARRY'S by Jo Knowles, ONE FOR THE MURPHYS by Lynda Mullaly Hunt and CODE NAME VERITY by ELIZABETH WEIN)and asked them to send me three questions that they wanted me to be sure to answer by the end of the course. Bear in mind that the kids range from 11-14.
The questions are so awesome I just have to share:
When do you end a paragraph?
I would like to learn more about punctuation.
A personal question, when did you start to write books?
How do you connect your ideas?
How do you make the suspense last?*
How do you come up with the characters?
What is being an author like?
How do they get their ideas for writing?
How do they publish their books?
How do you get your first book published without knowing who to go to?
Did anyone reccomend a publisher or did you ask some one about it?
Has any of your books ever been rejected? If so, how did you feel?
When did you start writing?
Did you have trouble getting published?
Do you ever get "writers block"? If so, how do you get through it?
What's your bestt advice for kids my age who are hoping to become a writer in their future?
UPDATES: MORE QUESTIONS!
How do you get a book published?
How does your book become a nutmeg? (CT State Award)
How do you get to be an author?
What kinds of writing are we working on this summer?
How are we developing our ideas?
Are you working on any books/projects as of now?
And this, my absolute favorite:
If you were seen in public, do you get surrounded by fans, asking for your autograph?
Answer: Yes, in my dreams...but then I wake up!
I'll add more as they come in.
Authors, please feel free to chime in with your advice to these enthusiastic creative minds. I told them that if I didn't know the answers, I would definitely know someone who did!
* Funnily enough, I try to read a book on craft before I start each big revision, one related to what I think I need to focus on in that revision. For the MS I am currently tearing apart like an 80's suit with shoulder pads, it was this book:
So hopefully I'll have some good tips that I'm actually trying to use myself!
Friday, June 8, 2012
How we brought THE INVISIBLE WAR to the Avon Theatre
Sometimes a news item reaches out from the radio and grabs you by throat, and you know you have to write about it. That's what happened when I was driving down Putnam Avenue one day and heard a report that a female serving in the military in Iraq and Afghanistan was more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire. The Department of Defense estimates there were 22,800 violent sex crimes in the military in 2011. A staggering 20% of all active-duty female soldiers are sexually assaulted. Of these , women between the ages of 18-21 accounted for more than half of the victims.
I became so angry as I listened that my hands shook as they gripped the steering wheel. When I get angry about something, my first thought is, "I have to DO something about this." My second thought is "I have to WRITE about this."
I spent the weekend following researching material for a young adult novel about how a deployed mom’s experience with military sexual trauma impacts the entire family. In the course of my research, I learned about the documentary THE INVISIBLE WAR, which had just won the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival. Created by Oscar®- and Emmy®-nominated filmmaker Kirby Dick (THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED, TWIST OF FAITH) and Emmy®-nominated producer and director Amy Ziering (OUTRAGE, THE MEMORY THIEF), the film paints a startling picture of the extent of the problem of sexual assault in the military—the number of assaults in the last decade alone is believed to be in the hundreds of thousands.
Focusing on the powerfully emotional stories of multiple rape victims, THE INVISIBLE WAR is a moving indictment of the systemic cover-up of military sex crimes, chronicling the women’s struggles to rebuild their lives and fight for justice. It also features hard-hitting interviews with high-ranking military officials and members of Congress that reveal the perfect storm of conditions that exist for rape in the military, its long-hidden history, and what can be done to bring about much-needed change.
I immediately contacted film’s producers to inquire about arranging a local screening and they put me in touch with Ivonne Zucco, Executive Director of The Center for Sexual Assault Crisis Counseling and Education in Stamford, CT, who was also interested in bringing the film to the area. “As part of our work at The Center, we need to bring awareness about sexual assault at so many different levels. When I heard about the film, I knew that screening it was one more way of increasing knowledge about an issue that should concern us all. Change needs to occur in all areas of society and this film is an originator of great awareness.” Together, Ivonne and I worked with Adam Birnbaum of Stamford’s Avon Theater to bring THE INVISIBLE WAR to the Avon on Monday June 11th at 7:30pm. The event is free to the public with a panel discussion following the screening.
One thing I want to make clear is that The Invisible War isn't anti-military. Many of the women in the film come from families with long histories of military service. Director Kircy Dick says the rape survivors featured in the film agreed to participate on condition that it not be an anti-military film. “All of our subjects were very idealistic and proud to have served,” Dick says. “Regardless of one’s opinion of the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, we all can agree that people risking their lives should be protected from assault by their own soldiers.”
But as with all instances of sexual abuse and assault, admitting there is a problem and discussing it openly, learning to fight a culture of silence, coverup and denial is the first step to effecting change. As part of my research I attended the first annual Truth and Justice Summit in DC, organized by the Service Women's Action Network. Brigadier General (Ret.) Thomas Cuthbert, who has acted as senior advisor to both the Defense Task Force on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies and the Defense Task Force on Sexual Assault in the Military Services, stood in front of a ballroom full of women and men, (sexual assault in the military isn't just a women's issue) and told them that the system was working - when it patently hadn't - and it was a matter of "teaching kids to say no to a senior officer." I was absolutely floored by his tone deafness and surprised, frankly, that he was able to get out of the room alive after saying that to a room full of traumatized people trained in the art of warfare. I wanted to teach him a thing or two about sexual trauma, and I'm only a civilian. If Cuthbert is the kind of military expert advising the Pentagon, it's no wonder the culture and the system is stacked against women receiving justice.
I hope you'll join us on Monday evening at the Avon for the screening. Supporting the troops means every soldier who is proud to serve.
For more on The Invisible War see this eflier.
I became so angry as I listened that my hands shook as they gripped the steering wheel. When I get angry about something, my first thought is, "I have to DO something about this." My second thought is "I have to WRITE about this."
I spent the weekend following researching material for a young adult novel about how a deployed mom’s experience with military sexual trauma impacts the entire family. In the course of my research, I learned about the documentary THE INVISIBLE WAR, which had just won the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival. Created by Oscar®- and Emmy®-nominated filmmaker Kirby Dick (THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED, TWIST OF FAITH) and Emmy®-nominated producer and director Amy Ziering (OUTRAGE, THE MEMORY THIEF), the film paints a startling picture of the extent of the problem of sexual assault in the military—the number of assaults in the last decade alone is believed to be in the hundreds of thousands.
Focusing on the powerfully emotional stories of multiple rape victims, THE INVISIBLE WAR is a moving indictment of the systemic cover-up of military sex crimes, chronicling the women’s struggles to rebuild their lives and fight for justice. It also features hard-hitting interviews with high-ranking military officials and members of Congress that reveal the perfect storm of conditions that exist for rape in the military, its long-hidden history, and what can be done to bring about much-needed change.
I immediately contacted film’s producers to inquire about arranging a local screening and they put me in touch with Ivonne Zucco, Executive Director of The Center for Sexual Assault Crisis Counseling and Education in Stamford, CT, who was also interested in bringing the film to the area. “As part of our work at The Center, we need to bring awareness about sexual assault at so many different levels. When I heard about the film, I knew that screening it was one more way of increasing knowledge about an issue that should concern us all. Change needs to occur in all areas of society and this film is an originator of great awareness.” Together, Ivonne and I worked with Adam Birnbaum of Stamford’s Avon Theater to bring THE INVISIBLE WAR to the Avon on Monday June 11th at 7:30pm. The event is free to the public with a panel discussion following the screening.
One thing I want to make clear is that The Invisible War isn't anti-military. Many of the women in the film come from families with long histories of military service. Director Kircy Dick says the rape survivors featured in the film agreed to participate on condition that it not be an anti-military film. “All of our subjects were very idealistic and proud to have served,” Dick says. “Regardless of one’s opinion of the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, we all can agree that people risking their lives should be protected from assault by their own soldiers.”
But as with all instances of sexual abuse and assault, admitting there is a problem and discussing it openly, learning to fight a culture of silence, coverup and denial is the first step to effecting change. As part of my research I attended the first annual Truth and Justice Summit in DC, organized by the Service Women's Action Network. Brigadier General (Ret.) Thomas Cuthbert, who has acted as senior advisor to both the Defense Task Force on Sexual Harassment and Violence at the Military Service Academies and the Defense Task Force on Sexual Assault in the Military Services, stood in front of a ballroom full of women and men, (sexual assault in the military isn't just a women's issue) and told them that the system was working - when it patently hadn't - and it was a matter of "teaching kids to say no to a senior officer." I was absolutely floored by his tone deafness and surprised, frankly, that he was able to get out of the room alive after saying that to a room full of traumatized people trained in the art of warfare. I wanted to teach him a thing or two about sexual trauma, and I'm only a civilian. If Cuthbert is the kind of military expert advising the Pentagon, it's no wonder the culture and the system is stacked against women receiving justice.
I hope you'll join us on Monday evening at the Avon for the screening. Supporting the troops means every soldier who is proud to serve.
For more on The Invisible War see this eflier.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Things I wish I'd written
I heard an interview with Jeanette Winterson on NPR the other day, and knew I had to get her book, "Why be Happy When You Could Be Normal?"
I'm only on page 25, but I've already highlighted passages and tonight in the bath there was one that had me saying, "Yes. THIS."
Here it is:
Hells to the yes. It took me 40 years to realize that, but better late than never.
I'm only on page 25, but I've already highlighted passages and tonight in the bath there was one that had me saying, "Yes. THIS."
Here it is:
What you are pursuing is meaning - a meaningful life. There's the hap - the fate, the draw that is yours, and it isn't fixed, but changing the course of the stream , or dealing new cards, whatever metaphor you want to use - that's going to take a lot of energy. There are times when it will go so wrong that you will barely be alive, and times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a bloated half-life on someone else's terms.
Hells to the yes. It took me 40 years to realize that, but better late than never.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Rich Handsome Stalker dreamboats - Oh My!
A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, bought me Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James, for my birthday. Luckily I could read it on my lovely new iPad, so my daughter didn't see me reading it. This is not one I would ever recommend to a young woman- or any woman, for that matter.
Let's take the writing first. I know this was first written as fan fiction and then published by a small press. Did an editor ever see these pages. Ever? Or even a critique group? Was everyone so distracted by the sex scenes that they didn't notice the constant lip-biting, how "Oh My" became Possibly the Most Annoying Signal for Female Arousal Ever, and the dear Lord if I hear about this one more time I'm gonna throttle the beyotch "Inner Goddess" who alternated between gymnastics and dance moves whenever it looked like sex was a possibility. And this is was often, let me tell you. They don't call this book "Mommy P*rn" for nothing. My "Inner Goddess" is bordering on Traumatic Brain Injury from banging my head against the wall in frustration from the overuse of banal words and phrases. Has this woman never heard of a thesaurus?
Do I sound like I'm ranting? Well, hold on to your hats, people, because Auntie Sarah has only just got started. Now I'm getting to what I really HATE about this book.
It doesn't surprise me at all that this started as Twilight fan fiction. I was always happy that my daughter was bored with Twilight after reading the first chapter and never read any of the other books, because I forced myself to read the whole series and the fourth book had me absolutely enraged. The whole series bothered me because Bella was such a weak and undeveloped character who was defined by the boys and how young girls were falling in love with the idea of this "love" between her and Edward, which had all the characteristics of an abusive relationship. Like hello young teens - when a guy breaks into your bedroom to watch you sleep? THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC!!! That is EFFING CREEPY! CALL THE POLICE AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! And book 4 - where she ends up bruised and brutalized after sex but it's okay because they waited and did it in the sanctity of marriage...OMFG. That is SO NOT a healthy message for teenage girls to be reading and idealizing as a love relationship.
So along comes this Fifty Shades of Grey (oh, yeah, she actually calls him "Fifty Shades" as a nick name) which takes Edward and puts him on steroids. He's handsomer ('cause he's not so pale). He's younger by at least a century. He's richer and self-made to boot. He's even more tortured and broody with a dark sekrit past. And boy, is he even more effed up and creepier. He REALLY DOES STALK Ana. Right after they meet he has a PI investigate her so he can just show up at her place of work. He buys the company she gets a job at because she won't work for him. When she flies across the country to visit her mother because she needs some time and space to think, guess what? He just happens to show up in the bar where she's having drinks with Mom - and he's got a hotel room in that hotel. Does Ana think this weird? Well, a little but...it means he LOVES HER SO MUCH.
NO! NO! NO! IT DOESN'T!!!!!
This is what I hate about the whole Twilight phenomenon and now this Mommy S & M crap that it has spawned. Right now, women's rights are under attack from all sides and we have a generation of teen girls who are reading this stuff and thinking that a man being abusively controlling is ROMANTIC. That it's a sign of the ULTIMATE LOVE.
Maybe it's because I've been in enough dysfunctional relationships that I know both the compelling seductiveness and the dark, dehumanizing destructiveness that comes when the initial glow has worn off. I know how hard it is to rebuild your sense of self when you've had it destroyed and I hate that any woman or any girl should think that this is romance. That cutting you off from your friends is romance. That the guy having female friends but that not allowing the woman to have male friends because he's jealous is a sign of love. It's not. It's a sign of being controlling and abusive.
Well, that's my rant over for now. I'm off to write some more empowering books books for teens.
Let's take the writing first. I know this was first written as fan fiction and then published by a small press. Did an editor ever see these pages. Ever? Or even a critique group? Was everyone so distracted by the sex scenes that they didn't notice the constant lip-biting, how "Oh My" became Possibly the Most Annoying Signal for Female Arousal Ever, and the dear Lord if I hear about this one more time I'm gonna throttle the beyotch "Inner Goddess" who alternated between gymnastics and dance moves whenever it looked like sex was a possibility. And this is was often, let me tell you. They don't call this book "Mommy P*rn" for nothing. My "Inner Goddess" is bordering on Traumatic Brain Injury from banging my head against the wall in frustration from the overuse of banal words and phrases. Has this woman never heard of a thesaurus?
Do I sound like I'm ranting? Well, hold on to your hats, people, because Auntie Sarah has only just got started. Now I'm getting to what I really HATE about this book.
It doesn't surprise me at all that this started as Twilight fan fiction. I was always happy that my daughter was bored with Twilight after reading the first chapter and never read any of the other books, because I forced myself to read the whole series and the fourth book had me absolutely enraged. The whole series bothered me because Bella was such a weak and undeveloped character who was defined by the boys and how young girls were falling in love with the idea of this "love" between her and Edward, which had all the characteristics of an abusive relationship. Like hello young teens - when a guy breaks into your bedroom to watch you sleep? THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC!!! That is EFFING CREEPY! CALL THE POLICE AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! And book 4 - where she ends up bruised and brutalized after sex but it's okay because they waited and did it in the sanctity of marriage...OMFG. That is SO NOT a healthy message for teenage girls to be reading and idealizing as a love relationship.
So along comes this Fifty Shades of Grey (oh, yeah, she actually calls him "Fifty Shades" as a nick name) which takes Edward and puts him on steroids. He's handsomer ('cause he's not so pale). He's younger by at least a century. He's richer and self-made to boot. He's even more tortured and broody with a dark sekrit past. And boy, is he even more effed up and creepier. He REALLY DOES STALK Ana. Right after they meet he has a PI investigate her so he can just show up at her place of work. He buys the company she gets a job at because she won't work for him. When she flies across the country to visit her mother because she needs some time and space to think, guess what? He just happens to show up in the bar where she's having drinks with Mom - and he's got a hotel room in that hotel. Does Ana think this weird? Well, a little but...it means he LOVES HER SO MUCH.
NO! NO! NO! IT DOESN'T!!!!!
This is what I hate about the whole Twilight phenomenon and now this Mommy S & M crap that it has spawned. Right now, women's rights are under attack from all sides and we have a generation of teen girls who are reading this stuff and thinking that a man being abusively controlling is ROMANTIC. That it's a sign of the ULTIMATE LOVE.
Maybe it's because I've been in enough dysfunctional relationships that I know both the compelling seductiveness and the dark, dehumanizing destructiveness that comes when the initial glow has worn off. I know how hard it is to rebuild your sense of self when you've had it destroyed and I hate that any woman or any girl should think that this is romance. That cutting you off from your friends is romance. That the guy having female friends but that not allowing the woman to have male friends because he's jealous is a sign of love. It's not. It's a sign of being controlling and abusive.
Well, that's my rant over for now. I'm off to write some more empowering books books for teens.
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